I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
