dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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