so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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