Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
