I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
