someone get that fucking seahorse.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
