The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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