My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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