how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
