wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
