My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
