you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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