I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
