I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
