Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Found your dick twin last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
