So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
