No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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