I just saw a hot homeless man
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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