ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
