I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
