my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
