We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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