somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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