tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
