yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
