You're a womanizer and a bitch.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
