hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
