Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
