I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
