You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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