she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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