You can't motorboat a personality
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
