just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
