I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
