I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
