the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's the barista slut.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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