its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
two words...techno handjob
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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