all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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