i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
