thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
