Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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