im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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