Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
