You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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