I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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