return my video game
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
