i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
