What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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