I can't breathe out the right side of my face
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
