what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
