i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
