He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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