I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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