words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
