You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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