the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
