I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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