i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
